Be present for these feelings so that you maintain clarity. Eventually, that band-aid will come off. The only way to heal is to be with what is reality and move on, so stop fantasizing.
Now is when you really begin to dig deep and get to the heart of the issue. Whatever happened has left an internal wound that needs to be sewn up. And, to do that, you need to practice forgiveness. When you can recognize this, the process has started working. Depending on what happened, it will take time to heal. Much like the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship is a loss and with loss comes grief. You may not want to start having to explain your breakup to everyone quite yet but make sure to reach out to at least one person that you know you can count on for support.
Just like grieving, healing is a process. Give it time to run its course. Can you let go of desire by wanting to let go of it? What is it that is really letting go in a given moment? You have to contemplate the experience of letting go and really examine and investigate until the insight comes. Desire is being let go of. There is an insight then. This is what we call insight knowledge. In Pali, we call it nanadassana or profound understanding. I had my first insight into letting go in my first year of meditation. But eventually it became obvious what was happening.
If you try to analyse letting go in detail, you get caught up in making it very complicated.
It was not something that you could figure out in words any more, but something you actually did. So I just let go for a moment, just like that. Now with personal problems and obsessions, to let go of them is just that much. I took a leave and was able to care for him at home.
5 Ways to Master the Art of Letting Go | HuffPost Life
We were happy, deeply in love, and had lived together for 8 wonderful years. He was 62 when he died. I was shocked at how dark the grief felt after the numbness wore off. This happened after about 3 months. I started drinking at night and lighting candles, listening to music and crying. I guess I was trying to get back to a kind of grief that felt sweet, not black and vacuous. I was able to see that I was holding feelings of loss as a way of keeping him near me. I still cry, but not as much. I can hear music that we loved and danced to without falling apart.
I definitely did some bargaining. I convinced myself that if I could be peaceful enough, if I meditated enough, he would come to me. I know that this is not true. I do things that bring me peace now, and I do it for myself, not as a means to get him back. I am getting along, learning as I go. I definitely did not want this lesson, and did not want to have to grow this way.
I know intellectually that people die, but I think, yeah, but not him…not us. And then I realize, yes him, too. I loved reading these posts. Reaching out to friends, family and definitely on sites like this help me to feel less lonely. It helps me to know that I am not the only one who needs to separate the sadness from the wonderful person that I got to love for awhile. Thank you so much. I lost my 4 year old niece to meningitis very suddenlt 19 months ago. My family has aged a decade over the past 19 months. None of us look the same anymore we are tired, emotionally and spiritually drained and just move one because the days are like walls behind you, you cannot stop from pushing you into the next day.
I look at photos of my niece and some times I am shocked!
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Because all the photos and memories could very easily make you think ah she is just at school or in the next room. Some times I remember something she did so very clearly! That scares me! Other times I look at her face and say it cannot be this is a whole force in a little person she cannot be gone! She was larger than life! She was the positive energy and always the happy one in the family! I could write a book on what we all endured at her passing!
The press, the pointing fingers, the support, the doctors that got it wrong, the Bible badgers trying to raise her from the dead, the health department, the churches around the globe praying for her, the donations… like I said a book! Another thing that scares me is she is always going to be that little four year old girl! She never changes. When I see her friends after a few months at how they have grown it shocks me… they are no longer little like her!
She loved all things pretty and pink and purple and sparkly! I still walk through the girls department at stores and think oh she would have loved that.
I always loved buying her things. Her passing has made us all ill. Some say abscence makes the heart grow fonder, some say forgetful! I never want to forget her in the sense of her little ways, a special memory to event. A time we were together, or a thing only she would do! But her essence is what I want to treasure in every way I can. In , I lost my 42 year old husband to cancer, and 3 months later to the day, actually , I lost my 10 yr old son to cancer as well. The pain was unbearable and I wanted to die; a couple times I seriously considered it not to worry, I have had lots of counselling and have left those thoughts long behind me.
My surviving son he was 11 at the time and I felt like our lives just stopped. But we got through it. I have never done anything as hard as surviving this, but 4 years on, I can honestly say I am happy in my new life. We are rebuilding our life as best we can, and we share memories and laugh together. So to all I want to say I am genuinely sorry for your losses. Stacy, I am so sorry. I lost my 33 year old son on January 5th, It was the worst day of my life and we just had a rememberence of his passing.
I lost my mom August 23rd But I just wanted to say that this article still resonated hugely with me as someone that has been mourning the end of my first relationship and true love at Recently I found myself so anxious, waking up at 5am in panic, desperately clinging to memories of us, forcing tears out and willing myself to cry for hours.
I thought I was pathetic and weak for feeling these feelings until I found this page.
Who knew that the final stage of grieving a relationship might feel like the biggest challenge of all……Letting go of grieving is now becoming a huge feat in itself. Now I have to find the strength to be happy and let go of my routine of panic attacks and crying. The temptation to remain where I am is so great, weirdly a huge portion of me wants to stay here and be unhappy forever, for fear of moving on is so huge.
Letting Go Quotes
Chrissy, i can so identify with what you wrote. If i dont move on my remaining years will be very lonely. I felt that it was disloyal to Ken to even think about happiness.
My grief is still horrible a lot of the time — he was my world for 30 years and his loss has been catastrophic. But I truly do know that relinquishing the grief as I am ready to do so is in NO way the same as letting Ken go. I tried to explain that I saw my Husband as a beautiful ice sculpture but every time I looked back at it over my shoulder a bit more of it had melted. Tina, I get your analogy, and I love it. I lost my darling man to cancer 7 months ago, and have tried to relax my frantic efforts to memorialize him. Your bond with that man is deathless, hon, and you will know this is your own sweet time.
Look up the terrific article on Continuing Bonds on this site xo. We lost our Mother 10 months ago to cancer. She was not ill prior 3 months before, but they did not diagnose her with stage 4 Lymphoma cancer through body and CNS till May She had no pain and came home to be with children and loved ones.